Frustrations and Motivations

Over the last month, a few things have transpired in my journey that have made finding motivation a little more difficult. I don't want to act as though I'm impervious to this, as I think everyone goes through this type of thing in some form or another. Rather, I feel the need to air my grievances in the hopes I can move past it and re-invigorate my motivation. It started in the beginning of December with something that didn't seem at first to be something so negative. I was called in for an interview at a local company, and then called back the next day for a second interview. By the end of the week, I had received my first and only job offer in this field so far. Sounds great so far, but the problem was the offer itself; instead of offering me something in line with the industry average, they offered me a figure less than what I make at my current job. So, instead of having a clear choice, I had to decide if this would be really worth it. In the end, I turned the job down. I still think back on that week and wonder if I made the correct decision. On the one hand, starting off at such a low rate would likely hurt me down the road when my next job offer was compared to that rate, and it would probably take me longer to get to a salary at or above average. On the other hand, I would have now had about 2 weeks of experience and would be devoting my entire day to software development. Regardless, the choice I made was a difficult one, and I did what I thought was best for my family.

In this same week, I had an initial phone screen with a company in Austin, Texas that went really well and was given a take-home test. I was able to complete the assignment in a few days and then didn't hear back from them for a couple weeks. Out of the blue, I got an email from them asking to do another, longer interview. I thought I totally nailed this interview, had great energy, and showed my strengths well, and really thought I was going to get a call to come out and meet the team in Austin. However, a week later, I was informed I did not receive the job. While I've received plenty of rejections over the last 4 or 5 months, this one really hit me where it hurts. I think if I had bombed the interview, I would have put it behind me pretty quickly and moved on. These things happen, and you chalk it up to another interview experience. But to feel as though I did everything in my power and still come up short was a whole different story. This left me with a feeling of wondering exactly what it would take to land a decent job in this industry. I know it's a difficult industry to break into without having a technical background, but I figure something has to give eventually.

I think that the idea of giving it everything I have to give and still coming up short has hurt my work ethic overall. Instead of coming home and grinding out as many hours of studying as I can, I've found myself glancing at the clock to see how much more studying I have to do for the night. I'm still getting the work in, don't get me wrong; I haven't missed a day of intensive study since I started this journey back on May 26th, but it doesn't feel the same all of a sudden. On top of that, since it's been the holidays for the last couple of weeks, I haven't really had any kind of action on my applications at all, not even the usual rejections. For a while, I was getting a couple of initial phone screens every week and really making some progress, but I haven't had an interview since the company in Austin. I think, at this point, I just need some good luck to help me out. I'm putting in the work, doing all the right things, and putting my best foot forward on a daily basis. I need one company to come to the realization that it would greatly benefit them to have me on their team. I'll keep grinding every day until that happens, but that would certainly give me back my momentum that I seem to be losing. Until that happens, this journey is going to be tougher than it usually is, but I'm not going anywhere.

Until tomorrow!